Facing change

For me personally, change is something I've always struggled with, in many ways.

We moved around a lot when I was younger, 5 times in one city even. Every time got harder, and would dwell in my brain and make me scared and sad and extremely anxious. When we moved to my parents most recent house, I didn't want to think of my space being anywhere but our little brick house on ole cottonwood street.

I take comfort in physical things. Making things feel homey. Our house on cottonwood was somewhat impractical now that I think of it, which was why my parents decided we should move. It had no door to the backyard, the rooms were small, our basement even flooded a few times.

But that was my space.

The bunk beds in my room covered in Dora the Explorer stickers.

The kitchen that my mom painted bright pink.

The brown linoleum where I barfed up cafeteria food. (sorry)

The tree in the front yard where I would tie ribbons.

It was mine.

(my only child is showing.)

When we moved in there was a metal railing on the cement ramp that led up to the front door. I would swing on it, sit on it, and just look at it. Notice it was there, and it was always there. It was a part of the house. One day my mom decided to remove it. (withOUT notifying second grade Danika btw) I got home from school that day and sobbed. I couldn't imagine my place, my house, being any different than it was. The subtle change scared me.

I wonder if my comfort in physical things like spaces and decor is because I don't have siblings. Being an only child, you find your own fun. (but that's a whole different blog post for a different time!)

Even my mom telling me the new house had a pool in the backyard didn't help. I couldn't even fathom being anywhere but that brick house.

Then we moved.

And I saw the pool.

And my big bedroom.

And the neighbor kids that lived right across the street from me.

My worries still sat right in my chest, underneath the knob in my throat keeping me from speaking. But the new house didn't seem so bad. I could probably get used to it. And I did. Now that I speak to a therapist, I've learned that this was my way of trying to control the situation, to control my comfort. Almost like a survival tactic.

But what I've realized, is that we can't control everything, and things will happen when we don't want them to (Look at the year we're in)

But what comes from that change can be life changing.

Now, I'm not saying a pool in your backyard will change your life, (Though it is pretty sweet...) But the little things, the things we don't like, can always lead to something good, in one way or another.

Try, like me, and look at the changes in your life as being little pathways to the good things.

Happy Saturday.

and Happy day 3 of Blogtober! tell me something you're looking forward to this month in the comments. Any changes coming your way?

ps, oscar says hi!